Working with Your Spouse: Do’s and Don’t’s

Sal and I work together 24/7. We shoot over 400 sessions per year, including over 100 seniors and 40 weddings. Working with your spouse can be immensely rewarding and simultaneously challenging. It’s not for the faint of heart. It requires constant attention to ensure a separation of church and state. If you want to work with your spouse, you have to be willing to put as much energy into your personal relationship as you are into your business. And that can be a tall order.

Let’s start off with the good. First of all, you are building something together. You both get to enjoy all the ups and downs of this amazing adventure you embark on. One of my favorite advantages is that we get to spend a lot of time with each other. We are best friends and we cherish being able to enjoy these moments together. Not to mention, we control our schedule and our income. We can work and play at our pace and checking in with the boss isn’t too tough.

But even with our great relationship, there are bumps in the road. Based on our years of working together and a lot of trial and error, here are a few do’s and don’ts to help you and your spouse navigate your way to a successful working relationship.

DO

•  Communicate. First and foremost, communication is a top priority. It is so easy to personalize each and every criticism when you are working with your spouse. Suddenly, everything becomes personal. If you are going to run a successful business, there better be criticism. You have to constantly push each other and your business if you want to be successful
• Fight fair. You are going to fight. It gets pretty intense during our busy season, but we fight with a certain level of respect for one another. No name-calling, no hitting below the belt, etc. However, keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you should operate with kid gloves either. You have to be open and honest with each other. It’s okay to disagree with each other. In fact, it’s healthy. You are both creative individuals, which means you are going to see things differently. Embrace it and make it a key strength of your business.
• Prior to being a professional photographer, Sal worked for Microsoft and the one thing a company like that stresses is open communication about ideas. Now, the key here is realizing you are on the same team, looking out for the best interest of your company. So with that being said, there is guaranteed to be some conflict. While there will be heated and passionate discussion, realize that this is good for you as a person and good for the growth and betterment of the company.
• Make time for each other. It’s really easy to get burned out in our line of work, so you have to put the same nurturing into your marriage as you do your business, to ensure it grows and profits for years to come. Be sure to have a date night, get away for a weekend or just watch a movie together.
• Know your role and be good at it. Sal and I are both good at what we do and we both strive for perfection. However, it can get a little dicey when one of us steps into the other’s realm—so identify each other’s responsibilities and respect them. Part of what makes us successful is our ability to focus on what we do and delegate items to each other. So excel at what you do. Be the best at it. Focus on your role and responsibilities before worrying about what your partner is doing.

DON’T

• Let the business run you. Sounds pretty simple in theory, but sometimes we get so caught up in what we are working on, we forget about each other.
• Make it personal. I can’t tell you how many times we have had a personal fight because Sal didn’t like one of my ideas. This took a lot of work to ensure we could disagree on a business idea without it bleeding over into our personal life. I would become blinded by my personal desire for my idea to be right; so much so, I stopped listening to his practical and logical reasoning for it not working.
• Sal is very logical in his thinking, while I feed off emotions. Knowing this and understanding this about your spouse and yourself can be a significant advantage. This is a key area that we see a lot of couples and even non-couples struggle with.
• Get too married to your idea. Try the best you can to argue with logic and reason because arguing based on feelings or emotions can be disastrous. You have to be able to listen to what your partner is objecting to and build back and forth on these ideas. That’s the key to success and ultimately to a healthy partnership.
• Give up if you hit a wall. Just keep trying. Be committed to each other and you will find all the success and personal fulfillment you both could ever want. In the end, you get to work with your best friend every day.

Salvatore Cincotta Photography is based in the St. Louis Metro area with a focus on weddings, high school seniors and professional education for photographers. For more information, visit the studio’s Web site at www.salcincotta.com.