Being a queer, trans, fat, riddled-with-allergies, autistic wedding photographer puts me into some of the offbeat circles you can find out there. My center focus is on queer wedding photography and poly celebrations these days. 

In writing this, I’m hoping to educate folks on ways they can work on their allyship. This isn’t about “How to Shoot Queer Weddings” so much as encouragement toward mindful awareness of what our LGBTQIA+ spaces mean to us first. 

With the legalization of queer marriage, we have eliminated the barrier between queer couples and the right to legalize their union. Queer couples now have the right to leave children to their partners and the right to tax benefits. However, while legalization has brought about a huge rise in awareness, we’ve also seen more discrimination, and disabled queer folks still don’t have the right to marry without their disability benefits being revoked as a result.

When measuring the responses folks got from looking for a wedding photographer, a surprising amount experienced discrimination from potential vendors. Most of my couples tell me they either didn’t see themselves in their responders’ portfolios or their copywriting was extremely gendered toward brides and grooms. There are so many little things you can do to signal, “Hey! I’m either queer or a queer ally who will center you and honor you.” I share some ways just below.

Three Tips for Expressing Allyship

1. Learn how to use pronouns. Always default to they/them if you don’t know what someone’s pronouns are. Always use them to the best of your ability. Nobody is perfect but practicing definitely helps. Do not ever argue that singular “they” does not exist. The dictionary disagrees. Many of us use singular they to speak about people all the time. For example, “They lost their sweater at the park. Can we get it back to them tomorrow?” This is a way to avoid gender in your communications. “I don’t know who they are, but I really love their fit” is another way to use the language appropriately. Again, it takes some practice and might not feel natural, but most people adapt to this usage once they stop insisting they is plural at all times. 

Update your contracts, forms, and CRM to ask people for pronouns. Use they/them in your contracts to avoid gender altogether. Make sure your copywriting on your website mentions being queer friendly and that you’re featuring queer folks in your imagery – not as a side dish, either. Serve them as one of the main header images. I like to have a diverse array of selects from my year of clients – all body sizes, genders, sexualities, races, etc to make it clear that serve all kinds of people with my queer wedding photography.

2. Educate yourself on queer history. You don’t have to be an expert on the topic. It is impossible to know it all. But be mindful that queer people, especially trans folks, have lived without basic human rights for most of history. Queer people largely struggle with discrimination in job security and housing across the United States. Transgender folks find themselves facing abnormally high rates of discrimination and hate crimes. For example, I’ve lived without employment or housing protections. Many trans people are discriminated against for jobs they’d otherwise excel in. 

Trans history is built on people fighting for their basic rights. As recently as the 60s, Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson were two trans mothers of the revolution who spearheaded STAR – Street Transvestite Activist Revolutionaries. They tackled issues related to displacement, discrimination, lack of access to healthcare, and right to assemble in private spaces. The famous Stonewall movement treated pride as a form of protest and made it into a riot. And while some may not condone the violence, many of us understand that it was a necessary tool for mobilization. Understanding our history is richly built upon political involvement in fighting for our basic rights is important because it isn’t something many cis het people experience outside of other intersectional types of oppression. 

3. Show queer/trans couples in your work. Don’t post about gay folks during Pride unless you regularly do it in your everyday curation. We can’t be curating our months around awareness to make ourselves seem informed, when really we only work with one or two queer couples a year. True diversity and representation happens evenly; it must be horizontally integrated. If you’re posting a lot of one type of couple, you might be happy with your niche but neglecting inclusion of diverse couples. When these marriers aren’t seeing any representation of themselves on socials or websites, they leave. They don’t see themselves as your client. Part of being a good ally is always growing your business and changing your thoughts to best accommodate and affirm queer people. By showing a variety of diverse people such as disabled, queer, and folks of darker hues, you’re finding a way to normalize and honor them. 

Allyship is an Ongoing Effort

These tips aren’t meant to certify you in queer wedding photography, but they are meant to poke your thinking into the right direction. Keep going. Being an ally is an ongoing effort that requires you to set your ego to the side. It isn’t easy to unlearn the ways society has conditioned us to think about things like sex, gender, sexuality, and love. We can celebrate this pride month by reading not only this article, but many of the other rich content out there giving you firsthand advice on how to do better by your LGBTQIA+ clients. 

Ezlan Powers has a lifelong passion for photography with a speciality in queer marriage and poly celebrations. Currently based in Chicago, they place an emphasis on capturing pure emotion and all the little details that makes a love celebration unique. Follow them on Instagram.

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